


Cross Species Conspiracy

by Kuraiummei



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Xenophilia, loving sabotage, petting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 09:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11688948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuraiummei/pseuds/Kuraiummei
Summary: Faced with a typing dilemma, Garrus gets creative with his tongue.





	Cross Species Conspiracy

**Author's Note:**

> Lexicon: 
> 
> Nais (nah-ees) - An Asari monogender pronoun equivalent to 'woman' or 'man'. (credit: MizDirected)

Jane is a boneless puddle of bliss draped over his chest as he very, _very_ gently scratches her scalp with his talons. The fan-favorite scalp scratching was a Turian thing to do, gentle talons under the horns and dragging along the hide on either side of the spinal plates was a touch of divinity that he'd shared with friends and lovers alike. Really, it was something he'd tried one day on a whim, just to see if it was on the yea or nay list for cross species liaisons.

Turns out? It was so far up on the 'yea' side that it could be used to... he didn't want to say 'manipulate', because that sounded _awful_ , but when your girlfriend was a workaholic with a galaxy of people depending on her...

He wasn't above manipulation to get her to sit down for five minutes to eat or sleep, and he never would be.

“Mmmmnn~”  
  
Ah, looks like he'd found a good spot. The sniper stayed on it for a moment, and continued trying to figure his way around the dilemma.

Problem 1: Jane needed to eat something besides ration bars and coffee today. This week. Ever.

Problem 2: If he stopped long enough to vidcall EDI or Liara for some non-judgemental room service, his commander would be waving off the special treatment and muttering about getting back to work before you could say 'but Shepard-'.  
  
Garrus had long since discovered that Jane's stubbornness in combat pervaded everything about her, including and especially the fact that once she got an idea in her head, dissuading her from it was like fighting an avalanche.  An excellent quality for fighting Reapers, but not so much for coercing her to eat, sleep, and hydrate.

“Hnnnnn... aahhhhhh...”  
  
He rumbled in reply to the sleepy enjoyment noises, subvocals awash in nonsense tones that were high enough pitched for her to hear, wavering around at a nice, beguiling volume. Jane called it purring. He preferred the term 'secret weapon'.

Creativity sparking, he slowly switched to one handed scalp scratching, continuing on with the exceedingly slow and light drag of talon tips through her strand-fringe. The arm with his Omni-tool free, he raises it up over his head to nose the haptic interface open.  
  
Steel blue eyes flicker down to see if the extra light has drawn attention, but Jane remains an insensate pile of soft skin and baggy casuals. It takes him a minute to drag his eyes back up, the fascinating dichotomy of unstoppable soldier meeting lounging female making his pelvic plates warm and loosen.  
  
_'Not the time Vakarian. Later. Maybe. '_  
  
He swallows back against the feeling and refocuses his eyes on the steady orange glow of his 'tool, only to be faced with another issue. How to actually communicate if speaking words, stopping scratching, -or hell, just overt movement-, would likely spur Jane straight to her desk for hour sixteen of her workday?  
  
Garrus stared at the haptic screen, licking the back of his teeth in contemplation. His nasal plates didn't protrude enough to accurately type. His mandibles maybe? He tried it, probably making some faces that Sol would pay good credits to have on holo, but the angle precluded seeing what he was doing too much to work with.  
  
The tall sniper resisted the urge to click his tongue in annoyance... when it suddenly occurred to him... _his tongue.  
_  
Trying not to let his subvocals turn cocky for the brilliant idea, as even that might break the spell he had on Jane. Garrus started poking the semi-tensile screen with his tongue, letter by letter describing the situation to Liara and asking for backup. He waited, physically watching the chat since his tool was on silent mode. Three minutes later a positive reply came.  
  
[She's napping? Well done, Garrus. I'll ask Kasumi to help me make something special, so she feels obliged to take the time to eat it. Give me twenty, please.]  
  
_'Hmm. Seems I'm not the only one willing to play dirty.'_  
  
“Mmmnnsoniiice... sssgarrusss...”

If dirty was what it took? Then dirty was what it took.  
  
Returning to double handed scalp scratching duty, the scarred Turian focused on keeping Jane down and out for the twenty minutes that Liara had requested. It wasn't exactly difficult. Long hours made the commander's body and mind agreeable to his coercive talons, and the extra heat he gave off from having no lipid layer made him the living equivalent of a sun rock. Albeit a slightly lumpy one.  
  
“Ahhhh... nnn... haaaaa~”  
  
The doors to the cabin swished open, and Liara stalked in like a runway model in top form, trailing blue energy and floating dishes like the Matriarchy they weren't supposed to be for a good five centuries more. Garrus flicked his mandibles in a Turian smile, even as the noise of the door proved enough to make Jane murmur sleepily and lean up on forearms to see who it was.  
  
“Shepard, pardon the intrusion but Kasumi and I were discussing earth dishes just now. We made a few extra to bring up for you two, though I'm not certain the spicy things will appeal to Garrus.”  
  
“Mrrf? Huh... wha-”

Without waiting for a more coherent reply, the Shadow Broker set the utterly excessive spread out on the coffee table, complete with a lit candle and wine, and smiled warmly before turning to go.  
  
“Wait, what, Liara!”  
  
“Yes, Shepard?”  
  
“What _is_ all this?”  
  
“Hmmm... dinner?”  
  
“It's... it's a very _nice_ dinner.”

“Yes. You're quite welcome. Enjoy.”  
  
Garrus clenched his jaw shut to keep from laughing at the baffled look on Jane's face, and the smug but loving look on Liara's as the _nais_ left.  
  
“Well commander, shall we?”  
  
She turned to look at him, dawning suspicion making her eyes narrow.

“You. Had something to do with this.”  
  
“Me?”  
  
“ _Yes_ , you.”  
  
“Can't prove a thing. No surveillance in here, remember? You had Thane and I go over it with a... what's the phrase? -a fine fanged brush?”  
  
Jane sighed in exasperation as she slumped off the bed, reluctantly appraching the coffee table.  
  
“A fine tooth comb, Vakarian.”  
  
“Riiiiight.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Flash fic inspired by a very weird but wonderful friend. Wanted to use the idea in my main fic, but it didn't quite fit, so voila. :) (Also, I apologize for the clickbait summary. It just fit so well! ) 
> 
> A/N/N: Yes, they are sharing food. Because the dextro-levo thing is totes ridiculous. Maybe the flavor, consistency, and nutrient balances will differ... but /sugar/ is dextrochiral. Sugar. ( If I was allergic to sugar I'd be soooo dead.) The 'spicy things' not appealing to Garrus is a joke. In Japan, having a 'cat's tongue' is a euphemism for not being able to tolerate spicy foods... and he's a kittybird. Hehe.


End file.
